Forty Days to Fifty

40 days to 50. Today marks 40 days until my 50th birthday. I spent too much of my 30th birthday and my 40th birthday in tears. I'm determined to spend my 50th birthday in celebration rather than despair.

As a newly minted graduate of Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training I know that the best way to accomplish this for me is to commit to 40 days of a daily practice of yoga and meditation to help me come to terms with my life just as it is. Not as I'd like it to be. Not as I hoped it would be.  Not as I secretly wish it would be. Just as it really is. Today. Now. In the present moment.

My friends and family used to call me "The If Only Girl" when I was younger. I really believed that everyone had power but me. "If only my car didn't need to be repaired again." "If only I could lose this last 10 pounds." "If only that boy in Statistics would ask me to dinner." So many things seemed out of my control. As I approach one of the biggest milestones in any woman's life I am determined to take my power back. Not just in the things I'm good at manifesting- my career, my relationships with family and friends, but in everything. The scary I'm-not-good-enough I'm-not-strong-enough I'm-not-smart-enough things too. Everything. I want I need I will take all my power back.

To accomplish this overwhelming goal I've designed a daily practice of yoga, meditation, and writing. My goal is to leap out of bed on my 50th birthday with joy. I will not pull the covers over my head and cry. I will not hide from everyone I know and pretend that this birthday isn't important or scary or monumental for me. I will not lie about my age. Ever again. It is time to embrace the next decade of my life rather than shrink from it.

This is day 1. 39 days to go.