Enough- A Poem
I feel like I was born wanting
Wishing
Hoping
I saw others who seemed like they had enough
Even extra
But I always felt like there wasn't enough for me
Not enough time
Not enough money
Not enough satisfaction
Not enough joy
Not enough happiness
Not enough love
Not enough me
For so much of my life I yearned to be free
Free from the wanting, the longing, the hope that life could be different
If I was different.
I decided that the way to have enough was to work
Harder
And harder
And harder
But no matter how hard I worked I couldn’t find enough
Not enough time
Not enough money
Not enough satisfaction
Not enough joy
Not enough happiness
And never enough love
Because there wasn't enough me
It took a cancer diagnosis to wake me from my trance- the trance of trying and wishing and hoping that one day I would have enough- that one day I would BE enough.
The perception that if I just got through this thing or that thing that I could focus on ME was shattered.
Because if my last day was coming next month or even next year, there wasn’t time to waste.
The things I deemed important on the day before my diagnosis didn’t matter the day after.
The work I thought I loved I realized I hated
I had given up so much of my life to make somebody else’s dream come true
I decided to face the question- what is enough?
Was it enough to enjoy a cup of coffee in the sunshine?
To appreciate the flowers and the cards and the letters that came for me?
To get out a pencil and draw again- not for work, but for me?
My lens of perception shifted
I started to see light where there was previously darkness
I started to see possibility
I started to see
Me
Twelve years after that diagnosis I have enough
I have enough time
I have enough money
I have enough satisfaction
I have enough joy
I have enough happiness
And I certainly have enough love
Because I am truly and completely
Finally Me
I wrote this in a workshop with @inqlife this weekend in 15 minutes. The prompt was- what adventure are you ready to take? I’m new to poetry but I love this.
And- if this resonates with you- I’m running a group coaching program in September that addresses this issue of enough- dm me for more info.
