Fostering Pink

A few weeks ago, as I was scrolling the Petfinder app- (no judgments please) I came across an urgent post- Emergency Foster Needed! High Kill Shelter!

For those of you who don’t know, I’ve been trying to adopt a French Bulldog for the better part of a year. I had conditions when I first started- young, female, black and white, adorable, loving… (and definitely under 35 pounds.)

I’ve loosened my restrictions over time.

When I saw this dog something inside me clicked. Young, Female, gray and white- bulldog mix- close enough!

Within two days a dog named Pink came to my house. I knew she was a bulldog mix and likely had pit bull in her, but I was told she was “tiny” and “petite.” (and about to be euthanized if a foster couldn’t be found.)

She’s 50 pounds. Nothing about her is “tiny.”

I fostered another bulldog mix a couple of months ago so I had an idea of how to prepare (clean the house thoroughly in case I can’t vacuum again until they leave, move all the shoes and chewable items into the second bedroom and lock the door, start to collect free poop bags from the park by my house, etc…)

Now, as a rescue, there are of course, issues that need to be overcome.

Pink tries to attack other dogs. All 50 pounds of her, doing somersaults at the end of her leash viciously trying to get to any dog bigger than her. That, I’ve been told, can be corrected.

She also peed on my yellow and white rug (which is currently rolled up and ready to be cleaned) and tore up the Liberty of London quilt I had in her crate when I left her alone for too long one time. She also threw up most of the night all over this quilt the night she got spayed. (I know- it was not the best idea to use one of my most beautiful quilts to make her more comfortable.)

In other ways she’s a perfect dog- she’s quiet, she doesn’t chew, she loves to cuddle, she doesn’t jump up on the counters to try to get food nor does she rush her food bowl. She follows me from room to room just to sleep at my feet. She goes straight into her crate when I ask her to. She follows me into the bathroom every single time to make sure I’m not alone for a minute. She looks into my eyes and bares her soul to me.

And yet, I’ve felt something inside of me holding myself back from falling in love with her.

I know this is a protection mechanism on my part. I’m considering leaving LA and it will be a lot more complicated with a 50-pound dog that it will be without a 50-pound dog. And I know I’ll have to say goodbye to her soon. She already has three families who’ve met her and are interested.

But the truth is, I know that I’ve been holding myself back from fully engaging in so many things in my life.

Pink is simply allowing myself to see this pattern.

As a coach I know that one of my main priorities is to work on my own issues so I can be there for others.

In support of that, I’m consciously allowing myself to fall in love with Pink. I’m slowing down in the morning and spending some time giving her the affection she wants before we go outside. I’m letting her curl up next to me when I do my meditations, and I’m looking in her eyes and allowing us both to be seen.

I know that in a week or two I’ll turn her over to her forever home. And it will be painful to let her go. And, while she’s here- I want to love her all out. With everything I have.

It’s terrifying and exhilarating to open my heart like this.

And, for now, it’s worth it.

If you’re a woman and you’re dealing with holding yourself back in some way, I’m leading a coaching group that starts in October. We’ll dive into getting more in our lives- more love, more joy, more satisfaction.

If this intrigues you, reach out and we’ll set up some time to talk.